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The Shit List.

This is not a “sexy” humpday post, but it’s a real one. Considering men like to pretend women don’t take shits and ladies don’t like to talk about it – maybe too real.

I was sitting shotty in heavy traffic when my girl’s stomach started hurting. She began squirming in her seat, and rolled down the windows because she started to sweat. I looked at the road ahead of us in horror at the long line of brake lights and sympathized. I knew the deadly stages of shitting yourself, I had them not too long ago when I downed a cup of coffee on CalTrain knowing I still had at least 6 stops to go until my destination. 

Thankfully, we made it to a hotel with a public restroom and individual floor to ceiling stalls t(here is a God) just in time. Roughly 15 minutes and three pounds later, she walked back to the car with a huge smile of gratitude on her face. I had never been so happy for someone else’s asshole. 

Thus, began our conversation about how taking a huge shit is similar to having an orgasmI told you this isn’t a sexy humpday post, just a real one. 

Just hear me out though. Close your eyes, and think about passing that last chunk or stream of shit. Then, think about the moments leading up to an orgasm. It starts with tension building up, proceeds with a pleasurable release, and ends in euphoria. You let out a deep exhale. You’re relieved. You’re at ease. Maybe you even need a cigarette.

I’ll be the first to admit that comparing sex to taking a dump is gross, but I found one person who agrees with me and know there’s more. I shit you not. 

#funny #humor #sex #storytime

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