It's my Friday morning ritual.
This routine is healthy. It's peaceful, it's comforting.
I unroll my mat by the door, because it gets hot. But mostly, I don't trust people.
I put my phone on DND, and place my water bottle and towel I never use at the foot of my mat.
I sit on top of a block, take a deep breath in and then exhale.
Close your eyes.
I see him now.
Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
I smell his cologne, it's intoxicating ... and expensive.
Make a noise.
I can hear him, he wants me.
Slowly roll your head to the left, chin down, to the right, slowly return to center.
I want him too.
Repeat counter clockwise.
His mouth is on mine.
Raise your arms to the side, over your head, down the center, prayer hands to your chest.
I breathe him in slowly.
Table top.
Now I'm on top.
Cat.
Up.
Cow.
Down.
Cat.
Front.
Cow.
Back.
At your own pace now.
Rhythmic, melodick even.
Find your first flow into child's pose or downward dog.
It's coming, it's coming. No, stop.
Peddle left and right.
Lost it. He always does this.
Shift to plank.
Let's start again - slowly.
Slide your right leg through your palms into a low lunge.
I lean back and his thumbs pressed against me.
Chair. Up. Fold. Halfway lift, back down to plank.
Hands on my breast I can't take it heave forward back onto him.
Warrior 2. Lizard. Pigeon. Triangle. Bridge.Chair.
His hands on my ass now and he's driving up deeper and I slam down harder.
Wheel. Half splits. Standing splits. Tree. Eagle. More chair.
My hands gripping the sheets, his hands around my neck.
I'm sweating now.
We're dripping.
Then, the music changes and I know we're almost done.
It's his turn now.
To the left. To the right. Now, relax.
He flips me over.
Shavasana.
I can't breathe.
Don't move a single bone. I quietly repeat affirmations in my head during this time.
I'm still in shock, do anything you want to me - please.
Even then, I can't still my head.
Face down, ass up. I'm screaming into the pillow when I'm not biting my own arm.
Slowly come on your side into a comfortable sitting position.
Contorted, he's picking up. I know what this means.
Thank yourself for moving and connecting.
And there it is - you're welcome.
Namaste.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.