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Fools Gold.

Bitches love Magnums. Or rather, the penises that fit them. It’s not that we love those that don’t fit them any less, it’s just that there’s technically more to love in regards to those that do. Think of it as eating breakfast and seeing that the restaurant carries hot sauce (yes, he has condoms!). Then, reaching over and finding out they have your favorite Tapatio (yes, he has Magnums!). While that may have been a horrible analogy, the point is size doesn’t matter … as much as you think.

As previously mentioned here, unless you’re obscenely huge or practically non-existent, we are perfectly happy with an average size penis that knows what it’s doing. So there is no need to feel inadequate just because I am able to fit your entire dick inside my mouth without gagging. And there is definitely no need to fake the funk by wearing Magnums when you can fit a regular sized Lifestyles just fine. Not only is that false advertisement, but it’s also setting us up for petty disappointment.

If you are one of all 11 men reading this, I’m sure you’re dying to bring up fake eyelashes and hair extensions, which would be a valid rebuttal … IF YOU WERE PLANNING ON FUCKING SOMEONE’S HAIR. Otherwise, the best comparison I could make is a size 8 trying to squeeze into a size 6 for the sake of fitting into a size 6. Sure, you may have got that last button done, but I know you see it holding on for dear life and the muffin top with a side of bacon and eggs does not lie. Besides, you looked fabulous in the size 8. I promise.

If you are a Lifestyles kinda dude, but wearing Magnums makes you happy, who am I to take away your happiness? Prop 8 just got abolished, and everyone has the right to choose. It’s just petty, not to mention unnecessary. And seriously bro, we can tell the fucking difference! We’re appreciate you and will fuck you regardless, but if you can slam dunk at 5’10 theres no need to tell people you’re 6’00”.

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