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Do For Sex.

We’ve already come to the consensus that people will do some crazy, not to mention dumb ass shit for LOVE. I’ve personally drove an hour just to drop off a pillow for a dog, didn’t study for a midterm just to spend time with my dude (still passed btw), and flaked on my friends birthday party all in the name of crazy stupid love. Twitter rants, looking like a complete ass in front of your friends, and calling in sick at work – I’ve seen it all. But what about the things we do for sex? Although not as dramatic, I’ve been known to do some pretty out of the ordinary shit for the D too … like clean my room. Let me share with you my normal room cleaning process:

1. Throw everything on my bed onto the floor, then make my bed. 2. Start sorting the clothes I just threw on the floor. If they still smell good and have no stains, more than likely they’re getting folded back up for one more wear. 3. See the cute top I wore to the party last night, and remember to Instagram a picture I took at it. 4. Lay on my newly made bed and scroll through Instagram. 5. Since I’m already on my phone, check Facebook too. 6. Hey, haven’t went on Twitter in a while. 7. Text my best friend I’m pretending to clean my room. 8. Text the guy I’m fucking an emoji of a winky-face and an eggplant. 9. Remember that I’m supposed to be cleaning my room. 10. 15 minutes later, start cleaning it again. 11. Watch HIMYM. 12. Attempt to blog. 12. Finish watching HIMYM. 13. Make plans for later that night. 14. Remember that I’m supposed to be cleaning my room again.

It usually takes me 3 hours to clean my room. Out of those 3 hours, maybe 1 hour is actually spent cleaning it. Now if said guy in #8 were to reply back with a peach and water  squirting emoji and “See you in 45 minutes?” this is how my cleaning process would go:

1.Throw everything that was on my bed in my hamper. 2. Make my bed. 3. Shove any clutter than can be seen somewhere it cannot. 4. Light some candles, and let that shit marinate while I shower really quick. 6. Be hairless, smell good, and baby-oiled up with 15 minutes left to spare.

Booyah-motherfucker. I’d feel silly admitting all of this if it wasn’t for the fact that I know I’m not the only one. I can vividly remember a friend of mine telling me a story nearly a decade ago about how this girl was supposed to come over late one night, so he put his contacts in and vacuumed only to have her fall asleep. Another time a friend of mine cleaned his room and even put his mini fridge next to his bed and filled it with alcohol to have her snowed in at her place anyway.

My boy once told me that a man won’t give a shit about what my room looks like, he’s gonna fuck me regardless. While this may be true, I’d like him to keep fucking me and don’t want to be known as the girl he fucks with a messy ass room. Besides, it’s the only way I can ever clean my room in less than 3 hours.

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