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O No!

Hello you. Have you seen my orgasm?

I seem to have lost it somewhere between vowing to never fall again and realizing that I am allergic to casual sex. I filed a missing persons report the other day to no avail. Not my rabbit, nor my bullet, nor even my fingers have seen it. They’re concerned, they’re worried, and most of all they’re bored. I hang my head low in shame today before the YouJizz Gods, for I am not worthy.

My male readers, and some of you (fortunate) ladies are probably as lost as my orgasm right now, but like I mentioned in this post it really does happen.

There are days when I simply misplace it. Days where because I’m too sexed out or my vagina is holding a grudge on me, for some odd reason I just can’t seem to get off. These days usually end with me kicking off the sheets in a frustrated sweat yelling out, “FUCK YOU VAGINA!!!” And then later on me apologizing to it crying out, “Why vagina, whyyy???”

And thennnnnn, there are those days where I can’t even bring myself to stick my hand down my pants and TRY to rub one out. Because as a woman that has a hard time separating someone’s hard on from emotional attachment, it’s damn near impossible to climax if you have no one to lust over to begin with. This is where I unfortunately am right now. Let us please take a moment of silence for my dearly departed.


Trying to remain optimistic about my orgasm’s safe return, but am thinking about preparing a eulogy for it just in case. In the mean time, I’m going to go find this dude (Ford model Daniel Pimentel). I have just received a lead claiming they’ve seen my beloved orgasm in his pants. Hopefully it comes up …

Hi. Is this seat on your face taken?

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