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You Spin Me Right Round Baby.

Growing up I used to hate being so tiny. At only 5 feet tall all the midget and handicap placard jokes start to take it’s toll on you. Then I got older and realized that while I will always need help putting luggage in the overhead compartment of airplanes, and need to ninja climb kitchen countertops to get things out of the top shelf of my cabinet – being short has a lot more advantages than I realized.

For instance, if some Texas Chainsaw leatherface motherfucker chased me into a warehouse I’d have a lot more places to hide than the average person. I can actually put my feet up and sit somewhat comfortably in movie theater seats, and don’t even get me started on how much money I save on Js! I’m light, I’m flexible, I’m pocket-sized, and apparently – I’m what some call a “spinner.”

I remember having a conversation with my co-worker about this years ago when we got on the subject of big dudes liking petite girls and vice versa. Having never heard of the term prior to that, it left me wondering what he was talking about. “What the hell is a spin-ohhhhhhhh,” is pretty much how the conversation went. I get it. Although I’m not really sure I like it.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a spinner is a woman who looks petite enough to be spun around like a top on an erect penis during intercourse. I wish I could provide you guys with a visual but my Google attempts failed immensely. Just imagine a Harlem Globetrotter spinning a basketball on his finger. If you still don’t get it you’re too young to be reading this blog.

At any rate, I’m pretty sure this term was denoted originally as a joke just to describe sex with a petite woman. I couldn’t imagine the actual sexual act of spinning to be very um … pleasurable. I’d imagine the dudes dick to get injured if something went wrong. I would feel pizza dough getting tossed, and look like an awkward helicopter. So I did some research, and sure enough came up empty handed. And by research, I mean checked out a few of my favorite porn sites and typed “spinner” in the search bar. Nada. All that came up were a bunch of scrawny chicks getting manhandled.

And that’s exactly it. I know a lot of tiny women who like tall, brolic ass men because they want to feel safe walking down a dark alley with them. They want to feel protected in their arms. They want to get pushed up against the wall, thrown onto the bed, and fucked into next Thursday. Which is probably the best thing about being tiny.

Forget the spinning and circus acts (second thought don’t forget the circus acts), not only are we fun but we’re fun-sized! In no way does this mean it’s less awesome having sex with a tall or average woman of height. Shit, have you tried being 5 ft. tall and having standing sex with anyone over 5’8″ in a Macy’s dressing room (figuratively speaking of course)? It’s HARD (of course that’s what she said). But at least your partner can easily pick your ass up and bang you against the door instead. Crisis resolved.

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