top of page
RoseElephant copy.jpg

Uh-Oh Face.

I have a secret to tell you: I’m really shy when it comes to sex.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you choke. But it’s true. I prefer having sex with the lights off, and very rarely look my partner in the eye. And the only times I’m ever on top and completely naked riding into the night, is if I’m ROCKED. Other than that, please let me keep my shirt on. I have a little pooch I’m trying to get rid of and I’m already boinking you, so cut me some fucking slack.

Needless to say, I feel self-conscious during sex. Especially, when it comes to my sex faces. If you feel the same way, then you’ll understand me when I say that having long hair, and reverse cowgirl are your saviors. For any man I’ve fucked who got smothered by my mane – I’m sorry, but I did it on purpose. I didn’t want you to see the look on my face as my kidneys were getting crushed.

As much porn as I watch, I know I will never look as graceful as those bitches. It takes real skill – skill I wish to never obtain, to look pristine in the face while getting double penetrated. I wince when I hear silverware scrape against a plate, one can only imagine how I’d look with a dick up my ass. Having said that, I’m thinking that maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit. I’m a lower lip biter. I can “Ooh,” and “Ahh,” with the best of them. And photoshoots from another lifetime have made me an open-mouth pose  aficionado.

However, I’m still weary and I’m still going to hide my face with whatever I can, because I’m still convinced my “O” face looks like an “Oh shit” face. But as least I will always take solace in knowing that I quite possibly couldn’t look as bad as a man when he busts a nut.

4 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


It's my Friday morning ritual. This routine is healthy. It's peaceful, it's comforting. I unroll my mat by the door, because it gets hot. But mostly, I don't trust people. I put my phone on DND, and p

Sex'n w/ the Oldies.

Whenever I take a stroll down memory lane and read old sex blogs I think two things: Wow, I can't believe I wrote that and Wow, I can't believe I used to have sex like that Over glasses of rose amongs

Fuck My Life. No, Really.

"I think my vagina is broken," I said. "You are not broken. It happens," she replied. There are a few reasons why I haven't posted my infamous $250 sex toy review yet and sadly, one of the reasons is


bottom of page