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Three’s Company

Ask any straight man what their ultimate fantasy is, and more than likely they’ll respond with a threesome involving two beautiful women. Ask a woman, and more than likely you’ll get a different answer. Which brings me to the question at hand, Threesomes; the more the merrier or three’s a crowd? Below are three reasons why I could never have a threesome.

1) I’m selfish. I am the “open-relationship” antichrist. If I have genuine feelings for you I’m not going to want to share. I won’t want you dating other people … what more fucking them … WHAT MORE FUCKING THEM IN FRONT OF ME! Are you crazy? While my man may enjoy a naked girlfight, nothing ruins my orgasm more than having to throw a bitch out the window just because I had a change of heart mid reverse cowgirl.

2) I’m just not into girls. I don’t know what else to say other than, “I’m sorry?” The funny thing is I can get off to girl on girl porn, but I have absolutely no interest in banging a female in real life. I need the feeling of penetration that no dildo, or strap on, or finger could ever suffice. And in Les-Be-Honest I already talk about my distaste for vaginas, no pun intended. Similarly, a threesome involving two dudes and one chick seems appealing on LubeTube, but in real life the only Eiffel Tower I want to see is in Paris – not my bedroom. Plus the idea of two sets of balls slapping against each other 1) makes me cringe, 2) makes me laugh, and 3) is gay … which is fine, if you’re gay.

3) I need your undivided attention … which pretty much defeats the whole point of a menage a trois. But if by some sort of sexual miracle I did participate in one, I would definitely need to be the third party involved. Meaning it would be mandatory that I was the girl the other two invited to add some spice into their lives. I would need to be the motherfucking star of the show, because while I rarely ever get jealous I’m already knowing that I’d have a Kanye sized ego in the bedroom.

In an episode of The Game, Melanie invites another woman in the bedroom with her and her husband in hopes of keeping things “fresh,” and pleasing her man. But upon kicking the other woman out she realizes that seeing her kiss her husband didn’t make her feel liberated or open-minded. All it did was make her want to take a glass bottle to the bitch’s head and kick all her teeth it. I’m gonna have to go with YES. Shit, I’m an only child. I didn’t need to share my toys growing up, so why would I need to share my man as an adult?

I totally agree with keeping things new and exciting in the bedroom, but not at the cost of the relationship itself. Never do anything you’re uncomfortable with and know your limits. Personally I think sex amongst two people who truly care about each other is never too much, yet just enough.

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