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The Hangover

I usually fall asleep to music or preferably the TV. Lately, I’ve been falling asleep to The Hangover on my laptop Frankie.

Although I’ve never experienced anything remotely as close to the chaos that ensued in that movie, I did have my share of crazy nights … and even more crazy hangovers. You know those kind of mornings where u were better off just sleeping in the bathroom, u look and feel like death x100, and repeatedly groan, “I’m NEVER drinking again!”? Yah, I’ve had at least 5 of those lol.

There was the one year I was introduced to “Liquid Cocaine.” 4 LC’s on an empty stomach and 1 Sex on the Beach later, I woke up in my bed in my pajamas with throw up on my sweater. And all I could think was, “OMG I wore a neon green g-string last night who the fuck changed me and saw it?”

Another drunken “Fuck my life,” moment occurred the night before I had a 7am flight to Hawaii (That alone should’ve been a red flag). My boy Chris was leaving for Iraq and I wanted to take him out before he left. So we met up with some of his friends at a bar which is where I had 6 shots of goose, back to back. and then hit the strip club afterwards which is where I attempted to buy Chris a lapdance only to find out I had no cash on me and proceeded to try and use my atm card to pay for it LMAO. He ended up buying it for himself. FAIL FAIL FAIL.

The best part (or maybe worst) of this story was when I woke up only 3-4 hours later. I had bruises on my knees and arms, a hole in my tights, and no underwear on. I was still drunk from the night before and had 30 minutes to shower and finish packing. I threw up so much I clogged my toilet. WHO DOES THAT? Me. That’s who. Got to the airport (still drunk), threw up at SFO, threw up on the plane, threw up when we landed in Honolulu, threw up during the car ride to the hotel, threw up in a planter in the hotel lobby, and then finally threw up in the hotel room. Aloha motherfucker.

But probably the best drunken night of debauchery I’ve ever had occurred in Vegas (of course). I was with my 808 hunnies plus a tranny and I had just got done consuming 11 sake bombs at Rah sushi. I. was. thrashed. So much that (omg u guys are all gonna hate me for this one) I was walking barefoot on the Vegas strip. Why? Because I had just got done jumping in the Paris fountain with my girls. I’m sure it was freezing, and I’m sure we could’ve gotten arrested but I felt so euphoric and carefree I didn’t care. Woke up the next morning feeling like the world hated me, and didn’t stop throwing up ’till I landed back in SF. BEST NIGHT IN VEGAS EVER!

Hangovers are no joke, but as long as everyone is safe and I had fun, they’re always worth it for me. I am in no way encouraging binge drinking or alcoholism now, nor am I saying u need it to have fun. But my God, if it creates memories like the one below then I say only being able to drink Gatorade and eat Saltine crackers the next day is a small price to pay for sheer bliss.

And u already know I’m gonna ask u to share some of ur best drunken nights, hungover morning stories with me! I’m sure they’re a lot more exciting than mine lol.

[Oh, and for the record: no sex occurred during these drunken escapades. I’ve never been THAT drunk. And when I do get shitface, I always make sure it’s around or with people I trust with my life.]

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