Lonely, but Not Alone (Written 01.13.21)
Don't tell me not to feel lonely. You don't know what lonely is. I've spent many moons dancing by myself, and solo sunsets staring into my own eyes. Yet, I'm still here scratching and clawing and flourishing like a motherfucker. So thank you, but I can feel lonely if I want to. Look at the beautiful things I did by myself.
I've written about being lonely, and I've written about being alone, but not lonely. Now I'm going to write about being alone and lonely. Because it's normal. Because it's OK despite how much society may make you feel like it's not. I remember watering my plants last year and having an in-depth conversation with one of them thinking to myself, "Wow, it's a good thing I have a boyfriend. Otherwise, this would be pathetic".
Why is it always the crazy cat lady or plant lady and never the nurturing woman who takes care of other people and things?
Why is she a woman who can't get a man, instead of a woman who hasn't chosen one yet?
Why does something have to be wrong with her instead of, wow, she is so strong to be navigating life the way she does despite all things considered?
Believe me when I tell you this: you can feel lonely and still be a BOSS. Humans need connection, and while I don't believe everyone ends up with a lifetime partner I do truly believe we were meant to have one. This doesn't mean we can't find purpose or experience beautiful things without them, it just means you shouldn't let the loneliness define you.
Nothing is wrong with feeling lonely. I think after last year we can all agree with that. Yet the stigma around loneliness can seem even worse than the loneliness itself. Just remember that there are others who feel lonely too, so you are not alone.