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Sextiquette – TBT 05.04.11

It’s kinda like comparing apples to oranges but I’m just gonna put it out there right now: Sexting >>> Phone sex any day of the week.

While phone sex is more intimate, and personal, it’s just not my cup of tea. Sure, it seems like a good idea at the time, but as soon as it’s over all you got is one hand on the phone, one hand down your pants, and a “What the fuck just happened here?!”  look on your face. You almost feel ashamed. Hey, I said almost.

Quite frankly, at this point in my life I’m not trying to have phone sex  unless my man lives in a different time zone or is on vacation. Otherwise, there’s really no point and it’s just a waste of minutes. ‘Cuz if I’m that horny, we’re either fucking or I’m visiting one of my favorite *ahem* websites.

I personally prefer sexting because it’s usually spontaneous, and it can take place any time of the day. It’s always nice having an eight o’clock meeting with your department heads and receiving a text message saying,”I want to suck your dick,” from your girlfriend mid coffee-sip. And I once got a penis picture as I was walking through Disneyland that left me with a Goofy ass grin that lasted one Finding Nemo and Matterhorn ride, one churro, and one Mickey Mouse sighting later.

But just because I’m a fan, it doesn’t mean you will be too. Sexting is not for the faint of heart, and definitely not for everyone. Especially those with flip-phones. But it is fun if you AND your partner are into it so make sure the feelings are mutual. ‘Cuz it’s no fun staring at your phone waiting for a response to, “I want to sit on your face,” just to finally hear a *ping* 15 minutes later saying, “Cool. Who won the game last night?”

There really are no rules to sexting except for PROCEED WITH CAUTION, because you never know where that sext or bra and panty shot will go. But if youre still intrigued and want to have good sext, you may want to consider the following suggestions:

1) PLEASE, PLEASE SPELL CHECK. I know you got stubby fingers, and it’s getting hot and heavy and everything but NOTHING kills the moment quite like reading a text that says, “I want you to duck the shot outta me.” Yeah, both of you know what the other was trying to say but it’s just kinda hard to recover from that. Congratulations, you just made it to “”.

2) K.I.S.S. Keep it simple stupid! Although I am the most guilty for sending essays  for texts, when it comes to sexting I make sure to keep it as short and as oh, so sweet as possible. Remember, you’re sending a sext message, not paraphrasing a passage from a Danielle Steel novel.

3) BE CLEVER. If you are going to have the nerve to sext, you better have the wit to as well. Otherwise, refer back to #2 and just keep that shit simple. You ain’t gotta have the punchlines of Fab or double entendres of Jay-Z to sext, it’s not a fucking cypher for crying out loud. But trust me, a simple “I’m horny,” or “I want you,” is 69 times better than some lame shit that will most likely be mass-texted to all our girlfriends with a “CAN HE NOT?!” at the end of it.

And that’s just about it folks! If you have some juicy sexts you’d like to share, or any other do’s and don’t feel free to comment. Otherwise, happy (safe) sexting!

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