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  • dearabi

Lies My Boss Told Me.

I’ve been very lucky to have had good relationships with most of my bosses. I keep in touch with almost all of them, and actually have lunch planned with one next month. As corny as it sounds, I think of them more as friends than superiors. Yet, I still have a lot of respect for them. Thus, I’m not sure how I feel now about my previous boss telling me that my vagina is going to fall out once I hit 45.

But. I thought  you liked me? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

This is the conversation me and some of my co-workers had the other day. “There is so much they don’t tell you about getting old,” she said. I don’t usually cry at work, but I almost did just then. In addition to our fertility  going down, a slower metabolism, menopause, wrinkles, etc. etc. you are now telling me that my vagina is going to give birth to itself? But that’s not all. She also said that as you get older, the walls that line your vagina get thinner, causing sex to HURT. That’s it. Not hurt so good. Just hurt. If that’s the case, fine. TAKE MY VAGINA, I don’t want it anymore! This especially upsets me, because the last Brazillian I got had my vagina looking fucking GREAT. I wouldn’t say beautiful, because we all know I think vaginas are ugly. But seriously, I can actually bare to look at it right now. No pun intended.

Basically, what I got from this conversation asides from my very soul being murdered, is that I pretty much only have a decade or so left to enjoy having sex *finds nearest sharp object to stab self with*. Is there anyone reading this over the age of 40 that can confirm this nonsense? In the mean time, I’ll be finding ways to refurbish my vaginal walls. Foamposites or die!

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Intimacy. Licking your brain, while massaging mine. Exploring you inside and out. Becoming one then two then one again. Feeling you. Tasting you. Loving you. Lingerie and tailored suits, sundresses an

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