Memorial Day should be a day to acknowledge the fallen soldiers of our United States Armed Forces. However, most people use it as an excuse to be off work, and barbecue. I on the other hand will forever remember it as the day I was offered someone’s virginity *cue sacrificial Temple of Doom music*.
I thought it was a random question to ask, but I didn’t flinch when I first read my text message saying, “Would you have sex with a virgin?” Instead I replied, “I don’t think I’d cross it out, but I’d almost feel like I was raping them or taking advantage of them lol.” I thought she was just figuratively speaking until she messaged back, “What if that’s all they wanted? Like all they wanted to do was lose their flower?” She even added flower emoticons at the end, and that’s when I knew she was serious.
Apparently, Person A made it his New Year’s resolution to get Person B laid, and Person C thought that maybe I would be up for the job. Can you imagine? Abigail: Writer, and de-virginizer. What kind of fucked up, porn version of Hitch is this?
My answer quickly turned from, “I don’t prefer it,” to, “WTF hell no?!” Because I can deal with the inexperience (in no way am I a sex maven myself), and I can deal with feeling like I’m taking advantage of someone because “you can’t rape the willing” as wrong as that may sound. But what I can’t get over is how arranged marriage it all sounds. I mean, how does that even work? Does his assistant call mine? Does Person A and C get a commission? Does he wear all white on the special night?
At any rate, it’s safe to say that I won’t be taking anyone’s “flower”. Would you if you were offered the same proposition? If the answer’s yes, send me an email. And Person A and C, I’ll take my 20% in cash, thanks.