Last night I had the worst writers block I’ve had in a while. I got back from dinner and sat in front of my laptop for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out what to write for my weekly “hump-day post.” After about 20 more minutes, I successfully failed at writing nothing.
I was about to give up entirely and use a throwback sex post, until I got out the shower and found my inspiration. While drying off, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and gasped. Because the same time I discovered my next topic of discussion, I discovered my newfound GUT.
Most of my friends are probably rolling their eyes at me as they read this, and I don’t blame them. I’m a tiny person, and for the past six years have always fluctuated between 115-120lbs with clothes on. Even at my least active, I still managed to maintain a flat stomach – albeit made of “skinny fat.” Skinny fat is what I like to call a flat stomach that’s just THERE. It’s lazy looking, barely getting by, and in no way toned. But at least it was flat, and I was still able to get away with midriffs and bikini tops at Lollapalooza not too long ago in August.
Now it’s November, and I’m rocking a mini-kegger when it’s not even Thanksgiving yet! I’m disgusted with myself. Even more so, I’m disappointed in myself for not keeping up with the active lifestyle I had prior to moving. One would think that with no job, I’d actually lose weight seeing as I have all the time in the world to work out and can’t afford to eat out. But it’s had quite the opposite effect in New York.
For one, I can’t just get in my car and drive 10 minutes to the gym. While the subway system in NY can take you to just about anywhere, it takes a lot more effort as well. Second, I have no running shoes. They’re in my gym locker. In San Francisco. FML. Third, I’ve been too worried and preoccupied with trying to find a job to really think about anything else. Lastly, I just fucking suck right now because everything I just mentioned (except for maybe the shoes part) are all excuses. I’ve been lazy, and had no motivation to work out – until today when I saw my 3 month old food baby in the mirror.
My usual Wednesday readers must be waiting for the penis/titty part of this post thinking it’s the biggest cock tease or either way let down ever. If you’re wondering what on Earth any of this has to do with sex, it has everything to do with it. Everything to do with NOT having sex actually. I’ve decided to not have any sex until I’m happy with my body once again. So to everyone reading, and all my friends – I apologize in advance. It’s going to be a long, cold winter. Come Thanksgiving, I’ll be punishing my body until it hurts so good – not in the bedroom.