For all you whiney motherfuckers complaining that Valentine’s Day is sexist and basically a bunch of bullshit, here: Happy Steak and Blowjob Day you bastards! Bet y’all ain’t complaining now.
I know I’m a day early, and most people will consider it an even more absurd celebration than the fake holiday that prompted its existence to begin with, but you already know GATNB’s stance on this. Steaks and blow jobs? I’m widdit!
Ladies, here me out. What’s a little slob on the knob compared to that $5,000 Hermes purse Mr. Wonderful bought you last month on the 14th? What’s a measly steak dinner compared to all those meals your man has paid for throughout the time you’ve been together? Yes, it’s 2013 and we’re all about equality and bending gender roles here, but who said you couldn’t have some steak too? I fucking love steak! You know what else I love? Blowjobs! Hooty-hoo00, let’s all celebrate!
I’m sure some of you are still weary, and I don’t blame you. It all seems pretty silly to me as well, but I’m still going to help you out by providing some tips and making some suggestions below,. And if you don’t believe your man should get steak and a blow job just because it’s March 14th, you’re absolutely correct. They should be given throughout the year.
Of course a steak made with love at home is always an option (unless you’re a horrible cook). As far as the blow job goes, bob and weave ladies. Bob. And. Weave.