Get Right or Get Left.
In 2012 I recalled quite possibly the one time I’ve ever approached a man. And as awkward as that story still was, trust me when I say that it’s just a sliver of my awkward pie. Here, have a slice.
The Southwest Guy.
In January I went to San Diego for the weekend, and on my last day me and a couple of friends watched the Packers vs. Seahawks game at a bar in the Gaslamp District. While I’m not a football fan, I rooted for the Packers because Aaron Rodgers was on my FF team and did a good job. Thankfully, the game was still entertaining despite the outcome. Alas Greenbay lost and I was on my way to the airport.
I got dropped off at the Southwest gate, and as I made my way to the front of the check-in line I saw that all the employees were wearing football jerseys. As I scanned the ticket counter, I noticed the most impeccable head of hair on an extremely handsome face. I immediately got shy, but noticed that he was wearing an Aaron Rodgers jersey.
Fuck. What if he ends up helping me? That’s when I decided to stop being awkward. I gave myself a mental pep talk that went like this, “Abi, you can do this. You stop being a little bitch and talk to him. You just watched the game. You had Rodgers on your FF, TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT”. Sure enough, he called me to his counter FML. I then reached into the depths of my loins for some gumption and walked over to him.
I handed him my ID, and he told me he loved San Francisco. I mentioned they had beautiful women there, and he agreed while smiling at me. SCORE. After handing me back my ID, he mentioned that he told me he would be in SF mid February. I took this as an invitation to write my number on a luggage tag and handed it to him. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even need to use my Aaron Rodgers line.
Actually, only the last line of that paragraph above is true. I didn’t use the Aaron Rodgers line, because I couldn’t even look at him what more talk to him. The second I got a closer look at his face and noticed he was even more handsome up close, whatever little confidence I managed to muster up disappeared and I spent the rest of our interaction staring at the floor.
“Do you know what gate you’re at?” he asked. “No” I said. Yes you do, it’s right there on your boarding pass dumb ass. “Gate 6, to your left” he said. “Right?” I respond as I start walking to my right. Abi, WTF you know you heard him say LEFT. “No, left”.
The end. That’s it. There’s nothing I could say to save that.