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Do it for HER.

There's a trend going around where you put up a baby photo of yourself as a reminder to do things for that mini version of you. That kid who is still so impressionable, optimistic, full of light, and counting on you. Do things like keep going and be kind to yourself. My grand-aunt sent me a birthday card the other day along with this infamous picture from one of my summers in Jersey as a kid. My Aunt-Grace who is a hairstylist decided to give my 4-year old self a makeover and pretend I was doing an editorial for a fashion magazine. My mom was PISSED, but looking back I think it's hilarious. I mean - LOOK AT ME. If only I had had that same sass and confidence now.

To be honest, I don't think that little girl needs any words of encouragement. To be brutally honest, I think I let my family down. I was a bright ass kid, charming, adorable, confident, smart, and talented. I got good grades and was defiant enough to be strong and different, but not trouble. I think most of my family had high hopes for me and expected me to be a nurse and wouldn't have been surprised if I had become a doctor. That little girl used to sing her heart out to Debbie Gibson and El DeBarge on karaoke, perform dance routines during family parties, used vocabulary beyond her years, was the first one to read in her kindergarten class, and created so many things. That little girl could probably tell ME a thing or two. If only I could show that little girl a photo of me now.

She would tell me to GET A FUCKING GRIP ON MYSELF. To stop sweating the petty. To quit being a bitch. To stop wasting my smart, my funny, my talented, and my pretty. To believe in myself, be kinder to myself. Stop fucking off and focus. Sure, take the trip or take a nap, but stay on track. To love softly yet fiercely while still having strong boundaries. To not hold onto resentment. To not care what other people think. TO ACCEPT THINGS OR LET SHIT GO. But I think most of all, I think she would grab my face with her little hands and tell me she loves me.

I guess this just goes to show you that you learn a lot more from kids than they learn from you. So while I don't have any words of wisdom or encouragement for that little girl, I will do it for her. Because I would hate to not live up to the potential she saw in herself.

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