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Feel the Vibration.

It's been years since I've owned a vibrator. The last one I owned was the infamous rabbit popularized by Sex And The City and gifted from my very best friend - what a gal. One of my girls sent me a text raving about her new toy, and it sent me down a rabbit hole of well - rabbits amongst other things. While nothing really shocked me, I did have a few questions.

Like, do I really want one with a sucking function? Obviously, it would feel amazing if it actually replicated the human tongue. But I just imagine the toy malfunctioning and my clit getting stuck inside of it. Followed by swelling or bruising, and an embarrassing trip to the ER. It's a bad, romantic comedy just waiting to happen.

My next question is, are more than three vibrating settings necessary? It's either slow, medium, or fast. What could possibly be the need for a vibrator with 23-settings? Are we baking something? Will it defrost? I'm so confused yet intrigued at the same time.

I also noticed that they have a G-spot and rabbit combo as well as a G-spot and thrusting combo. However, they don't have a G-spot rabbit combo that also has a thrusting function. HOW HAS THIS NOT BEEN INVENTED YET? Why aren't one of those 23 vibration settings titled "thrust?"

Lastly, I would like to know why some of these go for damn near $300? For that much I expect cuddling and breakfast in the morning. People of the world, I need answers, because fucking yourself shouldn't be this difficult.

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