There are very few things I do for men against my own will just to make them happy. Head definitely isn’t one of them. Neither is play video games. And with the exception of football where I’d be glad to make you a sandwich instead, I love watching sports. Matter fact, the only thing man has convinced upon me against my better judgment is wearing thongs.
Once upon a long, long time ago I lived for ass-floss. I thought thongs were a rite of passage for young women. I remember attending Platinum at City Nights one Wednesday during my freshman year of college (yeah I said it). My friend who I thought was gorgeous by the way, got up on a platform to dance, and flashed her thong. That night she was immortalized in my eyes. Today, I want to slap my 18 year-old self. And maybe her a little.
You know how usually women know it’s time to do the laundry when they’re down to their granny panties? I know it’s time to do a load when I’m down to my thongs. I get that their primary function is to not leave any panty-lines (the ONLY reason I still own any), but I remember a time in my life where I actually thought they were comfortable. Obviously this was an urban legend force fed to me by Sisqo.
Gentlemen. I want you to know that there is more to life than the thong, and the granny-panty. Here are some sexy alternatives:
Boy shorts: These are pretty much the female equivalent to the boxer-brief (ooh boxer-briefs, rawr). They provide maximum coverage, however, even “shy” girls that are conscious about their bodies are inclined to wear just these prancing around the apartment.
Bikini:These babies are probably the most comfy for me, and should be a staple in any woman’s panty drawer. Although these are probably a man’s least favorite because they’re similar to granny-panties, Victoria Secret provides a “sexier” string option.
Like I said, I get the functionality of the thong so if it’s a bandage dress/tight skirt kinda night the V-string is my weapon of choice. I’ll take it over a thong any day. Last time I wore one of these, two people asked me if I was even wearing any underwear. So silly.
V-String: Sometimes also called the T-string for obvious reasons. I actually find these more comfortable than thongs, because there’s so little material you barely feel them on!
Cheeky (my personal favorite) : LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Low on the hips, but high enough to show some cuppage. They’re comfortable and playful with just the right amount of sexy.
Come on now fellas, don’t even tell me the cheeky isn’t sexy. What about now?
Ladies, relationships are all about compromise and if we are to coexist in this world we cannot succumb to the chauvinistic demands of our male counterparts. We should not allow a sexist media to dictate what is “sexy.” Thongs are not merely undergarments. They are a symbol of stereotypical gender roles and an abomination to the feminist movement.
But you damn right I’m still gonna wear them. Thongs are sexy as fuck.