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Condoms Shmondoms.

Growing up, there were a few things that stuck out during every sex lecture I heard: 1) Don’t have it, 2) Don’t listen to boys 3) Don’t be a ho 4) If you’re going to be a ho – USE A CONDOM. 

Two out of four ain’t so bad right? Truth be told, I didn’t use a condom responsibly until my late twenties. Not that it’s a valid excuse, but I didn’t start having casual sex then. Prior to that, I always had a boyfriend or was in an exclusive relationship. 

Remember Thor? He was the first guy I fucked with a condom. We hadn’t discussed exclusivity yet, so I was glad he put one on. Thankfully, the sex was still amazing (yes, even the first time!) but after a month or so of dating/fucking and knowing that I only wanted to date him, it was I who suggested we go raw.

“Can we try it without the condom just once? I just want to feel it. We don’t have to continue after” I asked. God I’m such a ho. Needless to say, that was the last time we used a condom together. I have a secret to tell you, women don’t like using condoms just as much – if not even more than you guys. Let me tell you why.

1) It tastes gross. If you know me, you know I love to suck dick (shit ho’s say, I swear). And it’s not uncommon for me to go from intercourse to fellatio to intercourse to fellatio. This just isn’t something you can smoothly do whilst wearing a condom. Not only does it ruin the feng shui of it all, but it tastes disgusting. 

  1. Side story: A guy I was seeing asked me to suck him off, but I complained that it would taste gross. He grabbed the glass of water sitting on his end table to which I replied, “WTF are you going to do, stick your dick in it?” Instead he poured water on his dick and got the bed wet(ter). He proceeded to wash his dick with soap and water in the sink, and I sucked his dick shortly after. I rather taste soap than rubber. Plus, he put in the effort.

2) We like it when you cum on us. *Uh-huh honey* So much, that I got a lady boner just typing that. We like feeling your warmth on our skin, and like rubbing you all over our ass or stomach or breast. Again, this is hard to do if you have to take off a condom beforehand. 

3) It just feels better. I mean, DUH. It’s a lame excuse to get the other person to agree to not using a condom, but it doesn’t make it any less true. You feel closer physically when it’s skin in/on skin, and for some, it can seem like you’re closer spiritually/emotionally too. 

So yes, having sex without a condom feels fucking amazing but I’m not condoning unprotected sex in any way, so don’t be an idiot about it. Because the only thing that feels better than going raw, is knowing you don’t have ghonorrea. 

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