Starting at a very young age, I practiced the mantra “Chicks before dicks” and always chose my friends before my boyfriends. Was there any other option? They were there for me before, during and after every beautiful disaster. I followed this even when it wasn’t always reciprocated. In time, I learned that this was the norm, this was life and I accepted it.
The other day I got notice that my best friend’s birthday dinner was rescheduled to a night I had already made plans with my boyfriend for a work event, and what isn’t a big deal to most people had me torn like the hymen on a virgin’s “first time”.
But she’s one of my best friends. But I already had this planned. But of all people I should be there. But she’s had to decline events because she already planned something with her boyfriend. But what will people say if I don’t show up? But my boyfriend always does things with my friends, I rarely do things with his. But I feel like a bad friend. But I feel like an unsupportive girlfriend.
Welcome to my everyday struggle with most of life’s decisions.
I ended up having to call my other best friend for advice. As I had suspected, I was making it a bigger deal than it was. The first indicator was when she said, “I’ve flaked on you hella times for my boyfriend”. Thanks.
The determining factor? It came down to me knowing that our friendship wouldn’t be jeopardized because I missed 1 out of 100+ dinners she’s invited me to. It also helped to remind myself that I wasn’t missing dinner for some fuckboi, it was for a man who loves and supports both me and my friends, and that’s hard to come by. In the end, I’ll be taking the bestie out for a belated birthday dinner and more importantly – some QT, which is also hard to come by. I’m also going to attend a cool event with my boyfriend and his co-workers.
Seven times out of 10, I will still probably choose my friends over you *cue New Found Glory for all my old people*. But the beauty of solid relationships are, they will never make you choose.