A while ago the homie Jeyel asked me what the female version of a “sausage-fest” was, to which I replied without skipping a beat, “A clam bake, duh!” Never mind that I answered the question way too fast, what I want to know is what the female equivalent for “blue balls” would be.
A few of my male friends say there is no comparable term because it doesn’t exist for women – that there should never be any reason why a horny woman goes unfucked. While I agree, I will sadly tell you that it’s real (You know what else is real? One’s vagina falling asleep. Yes, just like a foot does, but I digress). Although I’m sure it’s happened at least once before, I specifically remember one instance not too long ago where a handshake would’ve probably made me come.
*cue dream sequence music*
I hadn’t rubbed one out in ages (translation: a week) for one reason or another, and decided that it was about time. Naturally, I turned to porn and perused my favorites, YouJizz and LubeTube until I found one to my liking … or so I thought. I remember mid-way thinking, “Aw man this sucks” so I stopped and looked for another clip. That’s when it hit me. This sort of throbbing pain that I’m pretty sure was my vagina’s way of saying, “The fuck are you doing you stupid cunt?!” My vagina knows I hate the word cunt, and while I wouldn’t know exactly how blue balls feels, I’m pretty sure the male sex Gods were all high-fiving each other at that moment. So I finally handled my business and I swear the clouds spread to let the sun shine through, the birds started chirping, and rainbows appeared in the dead of night.
Now, I’ve considered violet lips, although my boy offered blue lips. Violet vagina? Chilly clit? Frio fourchet? None of them have a nice ring to it in my opinion, but perhaps that’s because none of them should exist in my opinion.