Once or twice a year, me and my gay meet up to partake in what I’ve newly dubbed as the 5×5: 1 drink each at 5 different bars. Last Friday, over mezcal at Iron Horse in SF, I noticed a man and woman leaning against the balcony behind us. From bits of their conversation, body chemistry and gestures, I inferred that they weren’t on their first date but they also weren’t quite a “couple” yet. They were in that in-between transition phase where you’re trying to figure things out.

You could move. A minimum of 5 states apart. The more states the better. It’s a great excuse to not be with someone, but it only works if you don’t want to move to wherever they’re headed (Never mind that they don’t want you to come with them. That’s besides the point lol). There’s not much you can do or say when the person you’re dating (but not in a relationship with) says, “I’m moving to Colombia”. Nothing makes it easier to not see someone anymore that literally not seein

Valentine’s Day is steadily approaching and I cannot go anywhere without seeing heart-shaped balloons, pink teddy-bears, and candy coversation hearts. Dinner reservations are being made, hotel suites are being booked, and crotchless panties and edible massage oils are flying off the shelves (I prefer garter belts and whipped cream thank u very much). Meanwhile, the single folks are stocking up on liquor, blunts, red-velvet cupcakes, and gallons of ice-cream for their “Fuck Cu

I spend most of my time bashing myself, so let me have my moment here when I say that I am an awesome homegirl. I may drive my homies batshit crazy from time to time with my overthinking and neuroticism, but a good 80% of the time I’m an excellent wingwoman and an objective voice of reason for the female perspective *hands out business card* Hi, have you ever heard of this little blog called GirlsAreTheNewBoys.com? I’ll tell you when you’re being a douchebag, and when the gir

Speaking of unprotected sex … Over spicy ramen tonkatsu and strawberry soju, three ho’s talked about condoms. More specifically, when it’s the appropriate/OK/right time to stop using one. Obviously, this was discussed outloud with zero fucks about the people around them. Thus, the following fuckery ensued: Ho 1: 5 weeks Ho 2: 3-4 months Ho 3: What’s a condom? Some may protest that unless a couple is married or trying to get pregnant, that you should always use a condom. To

They left shortly after breakfast, and arrived a little after lunch. They checked in, and were pleasantly surprised. Clean sheets, cable, and the best shower head (no pun intended). They hiked for two hours, with at least 20 minutes uphill. Identifying poop, and random animal noises along the way (zebra, and velociraptor just to name a few). The sun was hot, and so were they. They took in the view up top, then hiked back down thinking of cold beer in their near future. It cou

It’s been ages since I’ve been on a date, but I can remember one of my last, first dates quite beautifully. The best part about it was I didn’t think it was a date at first. It was just “grabbing a bite to eat,” before he caught a plane to Hawaii. I saved my appetite that night, and showed up in basketball shorts, a hoody and some Js. He showed up with a full stomach and a backpack. I would’ve been more upset that he already ate if it wasn’t for the fact that I was too busy w

In case you missed it the first time, check out this past weeks posts below! Les-Be-Honest Reason #3 I could never be lesbian:  I don’t care how “cute,” and “neat,” and “tucked in,” and “virginal” looking your vagina is – it’s ugly. Save The Date Be the person you want to date. I used to ask the universe for a male version of me, and right now I’m not content with who I am. Catfish It’s one thing for a real person to break your heart, what more a fake one? Don’t fall for the

I celebrated New Years Eve at Yotel near Times Square. At one point I grabbed a cocktail at the bar, and finished it up at a table nearby since we weren’t allowed to bring drinks onto the dance floor. While I was there, a man in his early thirties who I came to know as Mo approached me. Although he wasn’t my usual type, he wasn’t unattractive either. Mo was funny and just as snappy with the one-liners as I was, so while I’m not sure if I would’ve dated him I definitely would’

I don’t get to see all my girls too often, but it’s always nice when I do. It’s also always a roundtable discussion of absolute fuckery as well. The other night we all caught up with life over fake mustaches, mini-sombreros, and cantaloupe ice-cream. In between career talk, sexcapades, and ex-best friends, we of course talked about our love lives. While I love hearing about the quirky habits of friends significant others, or the mushy text messages they receive from them, thi