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Valentine’s Day isn’t the Anti-Christ – TBT 02/03/10

Valentine’s Day is steadily approaching and I cannot go anywhere without seeing heart-shaped balloons, pink teddy-bears, and candy coversation hearts. Dinner reservations are being made, hotel suites are being booked, and crotchless panties and edible massage oils are flying off the shelves (I prefer garter belts and whipped cream thank u very much). Meanwhile, the single folks are stocking up on liquor, blunts, red-velvet cupcakes, and gallons of ice-cream for their “Fuck Cupid” or “I’m too pimp for relationships” party. And thennn, there’s that special bunch that refuse to even acknowledge Valentine’s Day, regardless of their relationship status – as if it killed their puppy or something.

Now, I see it like this: I have almost every reason in the world to be the anti-Valentine considering my track record. One year I found out I got cheated on, another year I got into a huge fight with my man, another I got my heart ripped out and stomped on, and another year I let some dude who I wasn’t even interested in (and he knew this) take me out for the hell of it only to find out he had mad “ex-girlfriend/sometimes gf/always gf in front of her” drama. Of course she found out and got pissy at ME. Like, ew. So wasn’t worth the free food and flowers. I’ve spent most days doing absolutely nothing or out with my girls – and guess what? I’m still alive.

So if I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, then neither should u.

Because the only thing more annoying than couples who exhibit way too much PDA and base the importance of their relationship on ONE DAY OUTTA THE ENTIRE YEAR, are those who ruin shit for others with their “Valentine’s Day is a consumer based holiday made up by Hallmark and the government” propaganda. Blah blah blah, shut up and go get laid already.

If u don’t celebrate the day, perfect. But don’t go bah-humbug-ing it for everyone else. ‘Cuz chances are u celebrate ur birthday and Christmas, so if u really feel that strongly about “fake holidays,” then I never want to hear about u having another birthday celebration or accepting another Christmas gift EVER AGAIN! Yah, I thought so.

Because yes, u should give thanks every day. Yes, u don’t need an excuse to buy something nice for someone u care about. Yes, u should appreciate life on a regular basis. And yes, everyday should feel like “Valentine’s Day.” But even if ur not into the dramatics of it all (although it doesn’t have to be dramatic), but u know ur gf/bf is: Why wouldn’t u want to make them happy?

[And btw, I am very aware Chinese New Year falls on Valentine’s Day this year. So if ur significant other celebrates that Gong-hay-fat-choi and u don’t – RELAX. That’s family ur fucking with right there, and chances are they’ve been celebrating this tradition for hundreds of years and yall only been together for 1. Besides, it’s a Sunday, u have fri. and sat. to be romantical lol.]

[p.p.s. for the person who emailed, it doesn’t matter what i do long as i’m with my man and we are in good spirits. but if it were up to me, realistically speaking, an ideal v-day (which is an ideal date to me in general) would be getting shit-faced at a warriors game. but a simple red box night suits me just fine too!]

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