50 shades of grey and none of these colors look flattering on me.
I spend most of my time bashing myself, so let me have my moment here when I say that I am an awesome homegirl. I may drive my homies batshit crazy from time to time with my overthinking and neuroticism, but a good 80% of the time I’m an excellent wingwoman and an objective voice of reason for the female perspective *hands out business card* Hi, have you ever heard of this little blog called GirlsAreTheNewBoys.com?
I’ll tell you when you’re being a douchebag, and when the girl you’re dating is acting like a cunt. I’ll get all up in a bitch’s face if I see her disrespecting you because I know you’re too much of a gentleman to ever hit a girl even if she deserved it. I’ll be your platonic +1 to weddings when you don’t want the girl you’ve gone out with twice to think it’s serious, and I’ll make it very apparent that we are just friends at a bar when a group of hot girls sit next to us. I’ll know when to let you cry by yourself, when to lend a shoulder, and when to tell you to stop acting like a little bitch. I got you boo.
I haven’t tooted my horn in a while, so let me have my moment here when I say that I am an amazing girlfriend too. Yes, I can honestly and confidently say that. Because I can acknowledge the times when I wasn’t the best girlfriend I could’ve and should’ve been. But now? I’m even more thoughtful, understanding, freaky (hah!), communicative, and overall more mature. I’m less selfish, irrational, impatient, and spiteful.
I won’t sweat it when you ignore me while playing Destiny, because I’m too engulfed in my newest book to notice. I’ll have meals ready for you when you get home, because I hate doing the dishes. I’ll never expect you to read my mind, but will also be straight forward with you when you’ve fucked up. I’ll let you feel like a man, because I want to feel like a woman. I’ll know when to give you a pound, when to give you a kiss, and when to leave you alone. I’ll make you love the person you are when we’re together, and never let a hard dick go to waste.
I can be an awesome homegirl, or an amazing girlfriend. And if it’s right, I can be the very best of both and then some. I just have trouble doing that in-between shit. That you’re awesome and great, and if it were any other time in my life it would be you, but I’m an emotional wreck, horrible excuse shit. That we act like a couple, but I just don’t want to commit shit. That you are my lady, but I am not your man shit. That are we together or are we not, sometimes we are shit. That I’m not good at dating, the world is weird, love is tough, this shouldn’t be so hard shit. I am no longer doing that shit. Ever again.
And if you only knew how awesome of a homegirl or amazing of a girlfriend I could be, you wouldn’t want to keep me in that grey area either.