Writing is second nature to me, it’s always been. From the time I learned how to write complete sentences, I became obsessed. I started this blog nearly a decade ago (HOLY FUCK), and I am so grateful that I still have some of the same readers who’ve been down with me since I was shooting in the gym aka on blogspot. Y’all the real MVP.
Although far less frequently, I’ll every so often receive a DM or comment on one of my posts that genuinely brings joy to my soul. I’d write 20 posts if it meant just ONE person would feel less alone. But. I’m not going to lie. Most days I’m wondering why the fuck I even bother.
At the height of my blogging journey, I averaged 2k – 3k viewers a day. This was before the social media explosion, and before Instagram even existed. Although it was nothing compared to the numbers today’s online influencers garner, it was still a huge accomplishment for me and still is. Shit, I was happy that people other than my mom read my blog. My only regret was not riding the wave and taking advantage of blogging before it reached its tipping point.
I’ve never been one to hold back from acknowledging my failures and while writing hasn’t been a failure, I’ve failed to write for a living. That was my ultimate goal in life, to get paid well doing something I love to do. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get angry at myself every time I saw some IG celebrity going on a free trip to the Maldives, or publishing a book, or simply getting free swag in the mail. I could sit here and talk about how many of them have very little talent and are corny as fuck, but what does that say about me? Even if this is true, what’s also true is “hustle beats talent when talent doesn’t hustle” and that is where I’ve failed the most. Truth is, I don’t hate these people – I admire them.
I know what it takes to pursue your dreams. I see what people do to achieve them. I know the formula, I’ve even watched YouTube tutorials on them. But how does one strategically curate being real?
It’s a constant struggle I face every time I log onto my @GATNB Instagram account. Quote then photo then quote then photo. Wait, they all have to be in the same filters. But that one looks better in F3 not G3! UGH, I don’t want to take a picture in front of this mural that has nothing to do with my website even though it’s really pretty. I like THIS photo, but it doesn’t match the “aesthetics” of my page. THIS IS FUCKING DUMB. It’s easy for me to use my writing as an excuse to not want to post pretty pictures, because the writing should speak for itself. However, it’s not easy for me to see everyone else succeed because they drank the Kool-Aid. I mean, I like Kool-Aid too.
Thus, I’m at a standstill. I’m not doing anywhere near as much as I should, yet my stubbornness won’t let me quit. Blogging may have reached it’s tipping point, but it’s never too late for me to hustle harder.