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This Is How You Lose Her TBT 03.08.13

You meet him. You kiss him on the first date. Fireworks – July. You have sex with him for the first time. Heat – September. He makes you feel like a teenager. You make him laugh. You fall in like. You’re scared. You push your fears aside. But something is off. You catch him in a lie. You tell yourself you won’t see him anymore, You tell him you’ll think about it. You go on vacation and ignore his texts. He tells you he misses you. You reply to his text. You see him when you get home. You give him the benefit of the doubt. You want more. He’s not ready. Wrong answer. You settle for what you can get. You don’t want to be alone. He makes you feel like the only girl in the world. You know you’re not.

He says you are. You tell him you can’t see him anymore. You still see him. Something’s still off. You see him every week, but never two days in a row. He always drops you off right after breakfast on Saturday mornings. You tell him you can’t do this anymore. “But I treat you like my girl anyway” You know you already treat him like your man. It doesn’t feel right, and you leave before you can prove anything. You see him three months later, and pick up right where you left off. He’s so into you. He starts teaching boxing classes. You know he’s lying, but don’t make it an issue. You see him less. He flakes on your friends birthday party. You knew he would. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it. You make spaghetti and ask if he wants some. What the fuck? He tries to flake, you make him feel guilty about it. What the fuck? You give him the spaghetti. “You’re not going to get in?” You get in. He drives around. “So that’s it?” “You don’t want to be with me,” you say. He drops you off. He asks if he can see you that weekend. You say no. “I can’t do this anymore” you tell him. “I can try” he says. You feel yourself shrink. OK, let’s try. You realize you got even less than what you settled for to begin with. You fuck for the 3rd, last time. He smells your hair, and holds you tight. Tells you that he thinks about you all the time. What you’re wearing, who you’re with. And that the thought of your perfume makes his dick hard at work. “Man, I hella like you.” You know it’s over. You don’t tell him you know. He drops you off in the morning, and a few hours later he tells you he can’t be with you anymore. “I’m getting too close.” You find out he has a girlfriend. And you feel yourself shatter from the inside out. But “You want more. He’s not ready. Wrong answer. You settle for what you can get.”

There. Right there. That’s how you lose her. And that’s when you lost her. The girl who loves and respects herself.

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