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Super Salad.

So I heard this story (hah, you already know it’s going to be at least somewhat good whenever a post starts like that). It’s about this chick I know, real pretty girl. And about how she used to hook up with this guy I know, real pretty dude. I don’t remember how me and my other homie got on the subject to begin with, but when he initially told me the story all I heard was, “Then, she just got down on her knees and licked his asshole!”

I’m sorry, what?

Now you know when it comes to that freaky deaky shit, I don’t judge. I’ll have my opinions, but whatever – GIT IT. But. I just don’t know why “tossing salad” was ever invented. Moreover why any man would want to do it. And ESPECIALLY why a woman would volunteer to do it. There are just so many angles of What the Waka Flocka Flame fuckery going on here that I don’t know where to start.

First of all, I don’t even want a dude tossing my own salad – and I tabo (It’s a Filipino thing, look it up). I just don’t want a dudes mouth anywhere near my asshole, can I live? Men you shouldn’t want your mouth anywhere near it either! I know what the fuck comes out of there on a daily basis, don’t you? This is coming from a petite 5 footer, so just imagine what comes out of a brolic ass 6’2″ motherfucker?! That’s why I scream, “WHY LADIES, WHY?!”

I probably sound like a boring prude, but I just. cannot. I cannot so much that I would actually rather have anal sex, and we all know how I feel about that. I’m sure there are plenty of people that enjoy tossing salads and get giddy with glee at the opportunity to get their salads tossed, which is awesome for y’all. But I think I’ll just go make me a sandwich instead. Thanks.

Well damn, look how happy she is.

Well damn, look how happy she is.

By the way, does anyone know where the term “Tossing salad” originated from? Because it’s not making any sense to me. Kinda like Filipino nicknames. I never did understand how one got “Bing-Bing” from Franklin.

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