Beards. OK, but seriously, when the fuck did this happen? I thought it would go away when Brian Wilson did, but instead it gained momentum. Now, I can’t walk down the fucking street without seeing one of you furry motherfuckers – and I ain’t even mad. Make a bitch want to hop on a dudes face and exfoliate. #bitchesloveexfoliation
But for the record, this does not mean ALL men look good in beards.
Frozen. I personally liked Tangled better and know I’m outnumbered with this one. But if there’s one thing a bitch does love, it’s singing Disney tunes so loud the neighbors start killing cats to drown out your voice. And Frozen is practically a fucking musical. #bitcheslovesnowmen
Scandal. I’m vigorously typing this post right now, because the show starts in 13 minutes. Don’t you know me and my girls almost had a premiere party for this bitch? Complete with Side Chicken, Melli Mashed Potatoes with Gladiator Gravy, Sweet Baby Cakes, and of course, lots of wine. I’m so invested in these fictional characters, it’s embarrassing. #bitcheslovefitz
Flyknits. These joints came out and it was on like Pokemon! Almost everyone copped themselves a pair. Asides from them being comfy as fuck, they’re just pretty to look at and are the perfect accompaniment to leggings. Whether you’re into fitness or fashion, these seem to be a staple in any woman’s wardrobe. #bitchesloveshoesperiod
Don Benjamin. Oh Lord, hide your daughters, hide your wives, hide the ratchets. Even women that don’t like Don Benjamin like Don Benjamin. And I don’t blame them. LOOK AT HIM. Just don’t look too long or he may penetrate a hole into your very soul. Got bitches thirstier than broads at Bikram. I lose a little bit of my own dignity whenever I read his IG comments. #bitcheslovehalfricans
