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  • dearabi

>sEXless in the City

>I had started three different posts last night and intended on finishing at least of them today … until I read Jozen’s blog this morning and was completely thrown off and then inspired. So now I’m going to write about SEX instead. Not that black out, seeing angels, got the neighbors knowing his name, DOB, and ssn kinda sex that I normally blog about. But the make it or break it kind. The kind that nobody talks about because people don’t want to believe that in reality, sex in a relationship is more important than we’d like it to be.

Jozen’s post today is probably one of my top five faves. Not because it’s extremely witty and made me laugh or cry like some of his previous posts have. But because it’s the unapologetic TRUTH.

In “The Friend Files,” I talk about how I can see a potential “anything” (whether it be relationship or bootycall or whatever) in a man during the first five minutes of meeting them. And one of the ways I gauge this is by whether or not I can imagine us having sex. It doesn’t mean we’re going to, it just means it’s not a definite NO. Because before I see you in my future, I need to see you in my pants first.

I once went to the movies with someone who although was handsome, wasn’t exactly my “type.” But as soon as we sat down in the theater I looked towards my right and had a vision of me pouncing on his ass. A few months later he became my boyfriend. Unfortunately, a few more months after that, we were fighting so much that I couldn’t even make out with him, what more have sex. And that’s when I knew it was bad.

I agree, sex isn’t everything, especially when you start getting arthritis and hip replacements. Good conversation, communication, and love is what’s going to make it last in the long run. But when you’re still more than capable and the two of you haven’t even been together that long – it needs to exist. It doesn’t have to be the G.O.A.T., but it has to at least be enjoyable and most of all you have want it from your partner. Because a loving relationship without sex, is just a deep friendship. I’m sorry. Like I said before, sex isn’t everything – but neither is love.

‘Cuz this is more than just being tired, or having a head ache. It’s more than those last crucial minutes of a football game or a girlfriend crying on the phone. It’s more than that time of the month or a long day at work.

This is being so emotionally unattached to someone who used to be able to read your soul. It’s about fights so bad that make up sex is no longer an option. It’s about two good looking people, that look exactly the same on the outside – feeling completely different underneath it all. It’s not the sex that’s a problem, it’s the LACK of it that is. And when you deny a man sex, (a woman too) you not only rob him of pleasure but of his manhood, his ego, his pride. They don’t get that it has nothing to do with them physically, nor does it usually have anything to do with another man. All they see is something’s wrong, and all you know is something IS.

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