razor tongues slit wrists.
You are not good enough. You are so fucking stupid. You are worthless. You are not enough. You are a loser. Look at you, no wonder he doesn’t want to be with you. What the fuck is wrong with you? I hate you. YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.
Imagine listening to this verbal abuse all day. Now imagine hearing it for six months. I did.
If sticks and stones can break your bones, words can definitely scar you forever. The worst part was it came from someone I thought loved me. Someone who should love me. Someone whom I trusted. I never thought they would hurt me like this.
It’s easy to tell me to cut this person out of my life and just separate myself from the negativity, but it’s always easier said than done. Especially when that person is ME. And who needs enemies when I had me? My friends were always supportive, but I could tell they became weary of my text messages and phonecalls. It wasn’t that they grew tired of talking to me, they were tired of the way I talked to myself.
One would think I was tired of the way I talked to myself, but I wasn’t. Somewhere down the line it became all I knew. Sadly, I had gotten so used to putting myself down I didn’t know any other way to talk to myself. Practicing self love wasn’t just foreign – it was difficult. Everytime I would attempt to say something encouraging or nurturing to myself, it was second nature to commit self-sabotage. It was also easier.
I can’t say I’ve been nicer to myself lately, but I’m definitely not as mean. I’m not sure what exactly made me stop this behavior, but I do know it happened around the same time I started hypnotherapy. I am not good, but I am thankfully not worse. I used to cry because I truly believed all the horrible things I said to myself, and while I shouldn’t be crying at all, at least now I cry because I can’t believe I used to say these horrible things to myself.
If you are finding it hard to be kind to yourself, here, I’ll do it for you. Even if you don’t believe me.
You are good enough. You are amazing. You are worthy. You are enough. You are beautiful. Look at you, even you want to be with you! Nothing is wrong with you. I love you. YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU KNOW.