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  • dearabi

Putting the FUN, in Fungi.

I always wanted to try psychedelic mushrooms, but was too scared to have a "bad trip" considering my mental health journey. I've tried other mind altering drugs in the past with no issues, but heard enough stories about wallpaper attacking you that I didn't trust my anxiety would NOT act up during a dose. Still, I looked forward to the day I would shroom for the first time with the love of my life in Joshua tree. Instead, I tried it with my favorite cousin in Grass Valley and since I am the love of my life, I'd say it was almost the same. I did this within weeks of a break up, and knew it would either go really well or really bad. Although the worst timing, I never felt mentally stronger and sealed the deal with a simple, "Fuck it".

I am an over thinker, I worry, I'm a planner, and I'm a Virgo. So in preparation for the experience, I made sure to write myself a note that said, "You are enough. You are loved. You are strong. Everything is going to be OK". It sounds fluffy, but until you are able to Jedi mind trick yourself during depression - YOU CAN'T TELL ME NOTHING.

Thankfully, the experience was amazing. There were a few moments where it felt physically overwhelming (imagine the feeling you get in your stomach when you're free falling, but for a prolonged period of time), but having an experienced shroom buddy with me and years of meditation helped immensely. I can tell you all about the moving painting in the bathroom, the raccoon under the sink that came from Narnia, or my six hands, but I'll give you a few tips instead if you're thinking about dabbling it.

I am in no way advising or even encouraging you to try psylocibin. I just happen to know myself well enough to know I don't have an addictive personality when it comes to substances. I've read many medical journals and talked to several therapist about the effects of psylocibin on PTSD and trauma, and I can now see why it helps although I still have a lot of questions. And now I know that if I ever find myself in a dark place I can remember the one day I Jedi mind tricks myself from spiraling while being on a mind altering drug and know that I can do anything I put my mind to.

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