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  • dearabi

Not Today.

I never did fully recover from my slip on Day 11.

Today, I couldn’t even say “I love you” in the mirror without crying. Imagine that. No, really – imagine it. Before you say, “It’s easy” or “You’re just going through a phase” or “It could be worse”. Before you doubt my struggle, imagine feeling so small and insignificant that the idea of simply loving yourself  or at least lying about it in the mirror, seemed so impossible that you couldn’t say the words escape without tears chasing after them. 

Do not tell me to stop being a victim. I know I am not a victim. I am fully aware that I am in the position and mindset that I’m in as a direct result of my words, my thoughts and my actions. I am blaming no one but myself. I am bruised. Some of the blows self-inflicted. And I definitely don’t help the healing process. I am in critical condition, but I will get up and start over again. Just not today.

Today, I don’t want to think about tomorrow. 

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