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  • dearabi

LameBook

I remember creating my Facebook account while still riding high off that one thing called “MySpace” and I was not feeling Facebook AT ALL. It seemed like MySpace’s mature, more sophisticated, but stuck-up and uptight older brother. So I uploaded one picture, added maybe three friends, then neglected it for months.

Obviously a lot has changed since then, and my presence on Facebook, especially due to blogging, is rampant. But some things unfortunately, never change. While Facebook may be MySpace’s more mature sibling, it’s immature users seem to have transferred over.

You can’t control what other people do, and obviously no one made me the Facebook messiah, but there are just some things I feel you shouldn’t do on social networking websites – or in LIFE. The following are some of them:

Constantly complain: Before you roll your eyes at me, I have no problem admitting that I am guilty as charged. I am a fan of looking at the negative side of things, but at the very least I offset that by having positive, awesome things to say the rest of the time. But when you look at someone’s profile and all they ever post are complaints, shit gets tiring. You wonder why this person is still typing away and not trying to hang themselves with a Chinese jumprope. I get it, life sucks! But some people actually like their life, so leave that Debbie Downer shit off Facebook, and wah to your friends instead. That’s what I do, they have no choice BUT to listen, and know I’ll throw a brick at their window if they delete me off their friendlist.

Update every 20 seconds: FUCK. I feel like I’m just incriminating myself with this list lol. Again, I update more than I should but I’d like to think I’m remotely interesting. I’m not saying you gotta have a fucking comedy skit in every tweet or status update, so don’t feel the need to always have something ridiculous to say ‘cuz that can be just as annoying. But TRUST ME, nobody cares if you just bought new toothpaste. Unless it cures cancer, and you purchased it from Julia Roberts – NO ONE CARES.If you’re updating every time you breathe, I’m assuming you have a smart phone. So do the smart thing and put your agenda on its calendar and save everyone else the trouble of muting you from their timeline.

Fishing: Not to be confused with, although equally as annoying as phishing, is the act of indirectly asking for a compliment (as explained here). Except, some of you really ain’t as “indirect” as you think with your, “God, I’m so ugly without makeup,” and your, “Ugh, I look like such a hippo.” Have you seen someone with an actual weight problem write some shit like that? OF COURSE NOT. Or how about folks who disguise their attention whore cries with lines like, “Leave me the fuck alone.” You know what I tell people like that? NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING.

And last but definitely not least, my #1 pet peeve

Relationship drama: As much as I love other people’s drama (hey, at least I admit it) ‘cuz it’s better than reality tv, it really isn’t a good look. Your significant other cheats on you and you want to put that fucker on blast – I GET IT. I really do. And I’m pretty sure their triflin ass deserves to be exposed. I’ve done it before … WHEN I WAS 22. The trick to this though, is to make sure you don’t get back with their triflin ass afterwards! Otherwise, you defeat the whole purpose of attempting to make them look bad. You end up making yourself look WORSE. There’s someone doing this on my timeline as I type, and I read their shit with one hand over one of my eyes. It’s like a goddamn trainwreck and I’m the paparazzi. I feel guilty for looking but just can’t turn away! So just don’t. do. it. Don’t fucking do it.

That’s it! If you have anything to add, please do. Remember, this is just my opinion, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of all 4 in my lifetime. Shit happens, and there are no real rules on Facebook … or Twitter … or MySpace … etc. etc. etc. but if you wake up one morning with only three friends, and even your own mom de-friended you, then you might wanna reevaluate your social networking etiquette.

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