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  • dearabi

Exponential Potential.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about sweats and white people. Well, kinda. I explained that certain men don’t approach me, because of the way I dress. Specifically, when I’m wearing Tims, big hoop earrings, or fitted caps. They’re deterrents for dorky guys, which I happen to adore. Basically, I need to step my J. Crew game up. 

I let him know that more than half the time I’m wearing sweats and no makeup anyway. While it makes sense for people to gravitate towards the familiar, I feel that if a man doesn’t want to get to know me past my Jordans and blemishes, the maybe I don’t want to get to know him either.

This resulted in a full on verbal assault on the importance of taking care of yourself, which trust me – I am all about. I go to the gym pretty regularly, eat healthy 70% of the time, started running the lake again, and get mandatory waxes, threading and mani/pedis. You probably wouldn’t think this if you saw me on one of my “off days” in Frees and an oversized hoody shopping for spaghetti squash at Trader Joe’s with a huge zit on my face. And that’s exactly my point.

Physical attraction is mandatory. I don’t care what you say. But I’ve always looked at the potential in people. Hmmm, kinda sloppy. Not the best dresser. Could use a haircut. But he seems really nice, and I bet he cleans up real well. If I saw two guys that were equally handsome, but one of them was better put together, would I find myself more attracted to him? At first, probably. However, I’ll always keep in mind that there is no fixing an ugly personality. New clothes can be bought, and I got friends that are barbers. Thing is, physicality’s are of lesser importance when you genuinely love someone anyway.

I’ve found that looking at the potential in a person is more of a curse than a blessing. High hopes and wishful thinking blind you from the person standing in front of you. I just rather find out that the grungy guy in oversized sweatpants is a sweetheart and hard worker, than realize the fit guy in impeccable fitting jeans is a douchebag, freeloader. 

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