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Get Ready, Get Set, BRO

About two weeks ago on a Thursday, I did the unthinkable. I got up 20 minutes earlier than I normally do (which is still 10 minutes later than I actually should), showered, brushed my teeth, and sat in front of the mirror to get ready for work. I didn’t just slab on some moisturizer, then pile my hair on top of my head. I actually sat down, put on some makeup, and even curled my hair. Instead of throwing on a pair of jeans, whatever hoody was laying around, and some kicks I went to my closet and picked out a maroon pencil skirt, black button up, and my five-inch patent leather platform heels. Then, I threw on my black trench coat, and laughed at myself. Who the fuck did I think I was? Oh, that’s right – a grown up.

Despite having to change into Toms for half of the day, constantly pulling my skirt down because my ass kept making it ride up, and being harangued about whether I have a job interview or a dinner date, I decided to try this “adult” thing out again the following Monday for the entire week. Just one week, that’s all. Monday morning rolled around and I looked like a boy. Vans, straight legged denim, and a Mickey Mouse crewneck. Twenty-nine year olds are still allowed to wear sweaters with Disney characters on them right? Fuck, don’t answer that.

I recently read this post on the “Perfect looking woman,” and instantly felt like a little girl playing dress up in her mommy’s clothes. When I was in elementary school I idolized my mother, especially when she would get ready for work or a night out. She was always effortlessly flawless. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up like her and wear heels, and blazers all the time. Even now, she always has on mascara, a little eyeshadow, and her signature magenta lipstick even just to go shopping me with me. Meanwhile, I can’t even muster up the energy to brush my hair. God forbid I have to brush my hair!

It’s not that I’m lazy. OK fine I’m lazy. But I also just feel that since there’s no dress code for me at work, there’s really no reason to put in the effort. I could be doing so many other things with my life those extra 20 minutes.  Like sleep some more, have a bowl of cereal, make lunch, day dream about my wedding to Brian Wilson Lance Moore the guy I saw at Ballys Jonathan Sanchez, or better yet JUST LAY THERE AND DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL. Anything else. While it makes perfect sense, it’s a really hard habit I need to break.

Because I envy the said women mentioned in the article above. The ones who ride the train to work in the morning looking so well put together it’s as if that IS their job. Hair done, nails done everything did with their scuff free heels, and fitted knee-length dresses that seem to be allergic to wrinkles and lint. Your hair is always so shiny and bouncy, I suppose a result from actually brushing it. And your face has just the right amount of makeup on. It’s lively and energetic. You actually look like you don’t loathe taking public transportation to work everyday. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT?

Please share your secrets with the rest of the world aka ME. I clean up nicely on the weekends, but it’s no excuse for me to look like garbage monday – friday. And I don’t want running into my ex and his new girlfriend to be the reason why I start brushing my hair in the morning.

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