The older I get, the more I realize that the same relationship issues that were around in high school, are still around in “adulthood.” When I was 20, I used to think that once you hit 25, what more 30, that all that shit just magically disappeared. The actuality is, the same woes still exist, the only difference is the way we interpret and react to them.
For those of you who’ve watched Two Can Play That Game, I’m sure you can recall the infamous “Transference of Power,” concept that was reoccurring throughout the film. When the movie first debuted, I remember being a firm believer in this. I was certain that whenever me and the person I was in a relationship with fought, whoever said sorry first lost. Lost what exactly? I don’t fucking know, I was young and stupid.
I never actually set these “rules” in stone, it was more of a subconscious thing. If the other person gave in first – if they called first, apologized first, emailed first, text first, etc. etc. then you had the upper hand. You had the power. It was a very immature thought process I know, but it’s also common and somewhat true.
I remember being in a situation where I basically got dumped. The words were never said, but it was apparent who left who. And I was upset because I had been trying to end the relationship weeks prior to no avail. I kept getting sucked back in. So when he finally left me and I had no choice, I felt completely helpless. I was of course upset it had ended. But not as upset as I was about how it ended.
I know that sounds petty BUT it was deeper than being left, than having the last word, or giving the other person the power. It was about me being unable to take control of something I had the ability to take control of. And because of this I was devastated.
Fortunately, the older you get you also realize that it is never too late to take back control of your life.
And you don’t need the other person to come crawling back to you just so you can shut them down to make this happen either (although I can definitely see the novelty in that). Because the sad reality is, sometimes you may never get that closure from the other person. That is why you have to give it to yourself. It may not feel as good as telling the person who hurt you to fuck off, but you have to tell yourself and eventually believe that you will not only be ok – but fucking fabulous as well.
Doing so, will not only take that power back but it will never allow another person to gain control of it ever again.
And just in case yall forgot or never watched it to begin with. Nobody won the “Transference of Power” game in the movie.