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Better Safe Than Sorry

Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that 1) I eat for three, 2) I’m pretty fucking hilarious, and 3) I am an absolute hypochondriac. Matter fact, last week I swore I caught the chicken pox just by looking at my girls 3 year-old son. And even after confirmation that they were simply hives, I still get itchy just thinking about it.

Being overly paranoid and administering unreliable (not to mention completely wrong) self prognosis are my claim to fame, so don’t be surprised if I walk out the room while you use the microwave for fear of having my “eggs” fried. Because I’m the girl that thought she had mesothelioma from her asbestos ridden apartment, but only after I saw a commercial for it. Mind you, I had absolutely no symptoms.

*sigh* Thank God WebMD isn’t a real person, otherwise he would have a restraining order against me right now.

One time at Broke Ass Summer Jam, during a time when an email chain regarding random needle prickings at concerts and raves was circulating the internet, my arm felt “funny” so I actually went to Planned Parenthood and got an HIV test. All because my arm was sore when I left the concert. *BLANK STARE* But can you blame me for acting this way? Cancer, amongst other things are everywhere. And sometimes, regardless of how paranoid or how careful or how safe you think you are – you are still not exempt. Because while certain precautions can be made, there unfortunately aren’t any that make us invincible.

I rarely get “old mom lady” preachy on here because I much prefer being the “cool older cousin.” Plus, I try as much as possible to refrain from being a hypocrite lol, but on a serious tip everyone – BE SAFE. Please.

Not that I’m condoning this but I like burning trees, getting wasted, eating deep-fried everything, fucking without a condom, jumping out of planes, and doing dangerous but exhilarating shit like riding on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet in the craziness known as a highway in the Philippines too – but I want to make sure I get to do these things for the rest of mylong, healthy, happy life. And I want the same for you.

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