RoseElephant copy.jpg
  • dearabi

Be Kind and Rewind.

As you get older, you tend to do a lot of contemplating. As for myself? Shit, I’m pretty sure I started overthinking out the womb. When in deep discussions with friends, I’ll sometimes ask them if they would take advantage of the opportunity to go back in time and start over. To no avail, the response is an astounding “No” followed by some variation of, “Everything happens for a reason”.

Good *clap* for *clap* you *clap* boo. No regrets right?

That’s probably what you’re supposed to say, because any deviation from that insinuates that you are unhappy or ungrateful. Unfortunately, I ask myself the same question, and can’t decide which time I want to revisit because there’s just too many. Taking 3 shots and 4 beers just last Friday would definitely be on the list.

In all seriousness, I genuinely admire those of you who would do it all over again – the same way. For me, the first thing  I would change is college. I would’ve found some way to attend college outside of California, specifically New York. If not then, I would’ve moved to NY right after graduating college. If not then, I wouldn’t have moved back when I actually did move (there’s a theme here in case you couldn’t tell).

Asides from that, I would’ve said “No” when accepting that free t-shirt in exchange for signing up for a credit card. I would’ve NEVER gotten off the pill when I did, causing me catapult into a downward spiral of CRAZY. I would’ve never posted that one FB status. I would’ve never slept with him – again. I would’ve never cut my hair that short, or wore those shoes with that outfit. I would’ve called Steve Harvey’s producer back ASAP. I would’ve submitted that highlight reel. I would’ve quit sooner. I WOULD’VE TRIED HARDER TRIED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL WRITER. I could’ve would’ve and absolutely should’ve. 

But I didn’t. 

I know you aren’t supposed to think about the past, but the reality for me is it’s hard not to. I just know there were so many better decisions I could’ve made. I can’t rewind time, which I suppose is a good thing. I’m an emotional cutter, and would end up reliving moments I wish I could forget. But the good thing is I can’t fast forward time either. What I can do is not beat myself up over the past, appreciate and LIVE in the present, and not make the same mistakes moving forward. Like take that one, last shot …

1 view0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Lonely, but Not Alone.

Don't tell me not to feel lonely. You don't know what lonely is. I've spent many moons dancing by myself, and solo sunsets staring into my own eyes. Yet, I'm still here scratching and clawing and flou

Healing Fatigue.

I'm sure every single person that is reading this right now can agree with me when I say, "I. AM. FUCKING. TIRED". Tired of quarantining, tired of COVID, tired of the selfishness, tired of wearing a m

The Ands.

During one of my therapy sessions, Angela asked me how I was feeling. I told her I'd been feeling the "ands". It wasn't until I started seeing her that I discovered the ands. For me, the ands is the a

  • White Facebook Icon
  • White Twitter Icon
  • White Instagram Icon

© 2020 I'll make you feel things.