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It used to be you’d go on a date and find out what the other person liked to drink. Maybe what they were allergic to, where they worked, and if they’re Giants fans or the enemy. But once you get to my age, you might get asked about your thoughts on marriage and children before you even get a chance to try the crudo (mmm, crudo). To some, this question is a sure red flag to run for the hills. To others, it’s a prerequisite. It’s not that people are in a rush to get married, it’s that they have less time to waste.

I know a few women who are in loving, respectful and loyal relationships. They’re happy –  asides for the fact that they know their boyfriends don’t want to get married. The consensus seems to be, “If he doesn’t propose in 3 amount of years, I’m leaving”. Except, one of them said this 3 years ago.

When you look at couples like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, one can definitely argue that there is no reason to ruin something by adding the pressures of marriage. After all, it’s just a piece of paper right? On the other hand, if it’s just a piece of paper then why not? If you really love someone and only want to be with them for the rest of your life, then why not make them happy? Marriage licenses don’t ruin relationships, people do.

The people I know that don’t want to want to take that walk down the aisle, blame it on all the failed marriages they’ve witnessed. Coming from a  family where the men openly boast about their younger mistresses, I totally empathize. However, like I told my girl the other day, you shouldn’t let OTHER people dictate YOUR views on love. Don’t get married, because you don’t believe in monogamy. Not because your aunt couldn’t be faithful to her husband.

Marriage is a huge deal, and sometimes a deal breaker when it comes to relationships. So it’s important to address the subject as soon as you feel it appropriate to. Just as important, you should be clear on what where you stand in the event your partner doesn’t have the same ideals as you. Everyone wants to be the reason someone changes, but as we always learn, you can’t change people.

If you meet someone and they tell you they don’t want to get married, don’t be surprised if three years later he still doesn’t want to get married. And fellas, don’t be surprised if three years later she actually leaves you.

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