Assholes aren’t very good at many things that don’t make you cry. They flake, have wandering dicks - I mean eyes, commitment issues, and secret girlfriends in other states. One thing they are good at though, is pimp walking their way back into your life just as you’ve backhanded the last memory of them away.
It’s like they have a fucking radar. And ladies, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
It’s those nights when you fall asleep with a smile on your face because you just had a blast with your girls, got hit on left and right, and are two shots past horny, yet the thought of drunk dialing your ex never once crossed your mind (matter fact, you’re not even sure where your phone is). Or those mornings you cry into your french toast, break down over brunch in a crowded restaurant, and without even telling yourself, just know enough is enough.
Then the next day out of nowhere you get a text from HIM saying, “Hey.” And apparently enough isn’t enough, because you find yourself right back at square one all over something so simple as the word “Hey.” He might as well have texted you, “The sky is falling” because that’s pretty much how you feel anyway.
Remember the episode in Sex and the City where Carrie is about to fly off to Paris to live with her new boyfriend and Big comes back in the picture? They have a big fight in front of her apartment and she screams, “You do this everytime. Everytime. What, do you have some kind of radar? Carrie might be happy it’s time to sweep in and shit all over it?” It’s kinda like that. Except it’s not two fictional characters on a television show. It’s me, it’s you, it’s your sister, it’s your best friend. It’s the ex, the one that got away, the one that never was, the one that should’ve never been. The guy that has you back at Day 1, just when you decided to stop counting.
Jey says women have radars too and that ours are even better. I believe women are just way more observant. We can tell if something is on your nightstand that wasn’t there the last time we spent the night, so we definitely notice when your calls are less frequent. While some women simply have a change of heart, others are just plain old vindictive or jealous. They notice you not trying as hard, figure you met someone new, get confirmation of it, thinking “Heyyyy, wait a minute,” and then act accordingly. Men on the other hand JUST KNOW. It could be two months since the last time any communication was made, you’ll be cooking dinner, he’ll be watching ESPN, and then all of a sudden *bloop*. You show up on their radar, and soon after they show up on your caller ID.
Is this our payback for being blessed (and cursed) with women’s intuition? Whatever it is, it’s seamless. It works every damn time. And most of all, IT’S FUCKED UP. The most fucked up part about it is the fact that sometimes there’s a part of us that is glad that we made a *bloop* on your radar. Glad we were on your mind. Glad that we weren’t the only one going down memory lane. Glad that you were thinking about us too.
So maybe we shouldn’t complain about how good a man’s radar is. It wasn’t too long ago that we commended you for having all the right *ahem* weaponry. I just wish there was some sort of radar women could buy to detect men like YOU.
::Editor's Note:: If you're wondering about the title, it's from Drake's "Headlines"::