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  • dearabi

Safety, First.

Updated: Mar 29

My girl Fab said to throw away any medieval lists about prerequisites you have for men and to replace it with a list of how you want these men to make you feel. I been understood the assignment.


However, I still had one superficial criterion: height. I know this is especially abominable coming from someone only 5'00", but that's exactly it - I'm tiny. Therefore, I need a tall man to balance me out, to fight people in a dark alley, and ... to give our kids a chance. It's science! Actually, it's petty. So petty that I never matched with anyone on Hinge who was below 5'10".


Until one day, I decided to really give the app thing genuine effort. This meant matching with the intention of actually going on a date. It also meant not passing someone up just because I didn't like the way they spelled their name or because they were *gasp* 5'9". And wouldn't you know, the first three men that "liked" my profile after were all 5'9". One of those men is now my man.


It was never about the height, it was about me feeling safe. I can honestly say that I feel safer with him than with any 6'0"+ dude I've ever dated (and you know I had me some of them). Not just because he's strong, in great shape, street smart, and used to box. But also because he's emotionally available, vulnerable, takes initiative, and puts in effort. He consistently shows up for me. I no longer have to wear a bulletproof vest, because my heart feels safe around him.


I still carry a stun gun in my purse though.



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