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  • dearabi

Needy is the New Crazy.

Things are constantly changing and I am learning to unlearn (and relearn) certain things. To be honest, I can't keep up. I've recently learned that being "needy" isn't necessarily a bad thing and my 30yo self is throwing up. I've been called a lot of things by my ex's, but I don't think any of them can say I was needy. Sure, I needed them to step the fuck up, but I feel that I gave them a more than reasonable amount of space, time and trust, because I required those things myself. I have high-standards, but I consider myself a low-maintenance girlfriend. So when my partner doesn't give me the bare minimum, it's not only hurtful - it's disrespectful.


"Bitch" used to be the trigger, which was then replaced with "Crazy". Once a woman starts acting on suspicions their man provoked (that usually end up being facts) she is immediately called crazy. This was used as a weapon against us, because no super-cool, down to Earth, boss of a woman wants to be crazy. Men don't want a crazy girlfriend ... but they'll take the crazy girlfriend sex. We eventually caught on to how men manipulated the word "crazy". Thus, a new trigger was born - "needy". This doesn't mean there aren't unreasonably needy partners out there, the difference usually lies in how emotionally mature and self-aware we are.


Every relationship should have the basic non-negotiables: loyalty, respect, communication, etc. Then, there are other things that some may seem secondary. Where if you are an advocate for it, you may come off as needy. Here are a few examples.


Reassurance. This is something I've had to come to terms with lately. In the past I've put off asking for reassurance for fear of seeming insecure. However, wanting clarity on feeling loved and safe is not an insecurity, it's actually being secure about your requirements. You wouldn't tell a child they're insecure just because they needed to be reminded of how much they are loved right?

Prioritization. I feel like we've become so hell bent on being independent and maintaining our autonomy. No one is more important than ME, ME, ME! While you should always put yourself first, you should also make room for people you care about. Being a priority to someone doesn't mean they are your everything. I don't need to be your world, I just need to be in your atmosphere. Nothing is wrong with wanting to feel important to someone. Otherwise, why even be in a relationship?

Support. Again, we are taught at a young age to not depend on anyone. Needing help means we are weak. While we ultimately have only ourselves at the end of it all, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't ask for or accept the support from others when it makes sense to.


More often than not, when someone acts a particular way, there is an underlying reason why. One below the initial reason they may tell you. Most people don't need to keep tabs on their partner, they just need to feel safe, loved, and respected. It's not being needy, it's wanting to have basic needs met. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking any different.

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