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  • dearabi

Looking For Perfect.

It’s no secret, men are scared of commitment. Not all of them, but a lot of them – even those that want to get married and have children. However, I also believe that men crave true love. Even those that have a different girl everyday of the week.

I’ve found that the main concern in both cases are the “What ifs?” What if I’m wasting my time? What if she’s not the one? What if I miss another opportunity? What if there’s someone better? These questions seem to trump other questions like What if I lose her? What if I don’t find anyone as good as her? What if she is the one? I mentioned in this post that men “rather entertain the potential of being with a dozen women, than be with the one woman with the most potential standing right before their very eyes,” and I stand by it.

A friend of mine recently came upon the same dilemma. “Did you ever think of marrying any of your exes?” “Yes,” I replied. “Two of them”. “How did you know?” he asked. This is going to sound romanticized, but it was rather easy. I would close my eyes, see myself walking down the aisle at my wedding, and if I could effortlessly see the guy I was with standing at the end of the altar, I could imagine a future with him. Pretty obvious, but I’ve been with many people and loved more than once. But even those I’ve wept for nights on end over, even those who broke my heart, even those I loved, I still couldn’t see at the end of the altar. If I did, it was forced and felt uncomfortable.

“That’s a good one,” my friend said. I agreed. Then, I scolded him for being unreasonable. It was as if he was asking for God to come down from the heavens, tap him on the shoulder, and be like “Yo. Her right there, you’re not going to find better than her, so just stop now”. Hah, if only.

In no means am I saying to settle for what you can get. I just feel like perfect is unattainable. And honestly, who the fuck are you to think you deserve the “perfect” man or woman? I think the point is to find a person so imperfectly perfect, that it doesn’t matter if the next person is better looking, smarter, makes more money, in better shape, more talented, and gives better oral sex. Because they’re still not the person you’re in love with that’s standing right in front of you.

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