RoseElephant copy.jpg
  • dearabi

Long Way To Go.

“Read some of your posts and remembered how fly you are,” the text said.

Funny, I didn’t think you could tell how good I look by the words I write. Also funny that he could never spell my name right. Even funnier that I was so fly he never not once took me out. Downright hilarious. Even I can’t help but laugh at how stupid fly I must look. Funniest that I just barely got him out of my system, and he hits me up like that. Of course he does. They always do.

“It’s not that I had a preference or anything,” he said.

I could’ve slapped him right then and there. Instead, I continued to sip on my lychee martini. It was delicious, and too good to throw in his face. Besides, I wasn’t mad. Just that annoyed that he still couldn’t seem to comprehend that even if he did prefer herI didn’t care. What I cared about was him denying it, denying her, and putting me in a fucked up position without giving me a choice. It has nothing to do with pride and ego, but everything to do with RESPECT.

I would see him everyday when I walked to work … even when he wasn’t really there. Just looming over my head like I’m the only one that needs an umbrella. Two constant reminders of how I sold myself short. And just when the anxiety ceased, and I was able to enjoy my walks, he rolls in on his bicycle and all I can do is look at my feet. Things have changed, but one things for sure – there’s still something there. I still care more than I should. 

“Well, good luck. See you when you’ve learned French and I’m a best-selling author,” I said.

“Or maybe I can see you later tonight?” he said.

I didn’t see him later that night, and will probably never see him again. But the part that bothers me is even if I said “no” to every invite, I know every part of my insides would still be staring up at me with puppy-dog eyes nudging me to go.

The universe has a fucked up way of reminding you how far you’ve come. It has an even more fucked up way of letting you know you still have a long way to go.

0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

How to Grow A Plant and Kill A Relationship.

I bought my first plant a little over two years ago when I moved into what I liked to call my first "adult" apartment. I went to Roots on Van Ness during my lunch break and bought a jade pothos (Blake

"For what is grief, but love persevering"

I'd never been good with buying birthday cards, that was always his expertise. I could't find a sushi related card, so I settled with a duck and dad joke on it. He always liked corny jokes. I would sa

Break Up With Me.

Please, break up with me. Don't take walks with me knowing you'll be walking away soon. Don't hold me in your arms knowing you'll be letting go. Don't take photos you never plan to post. Instead, just

  • White Facebook Icon
  • White Twitter Icon
  • White Instagram Icon

© 2020 I'll make you feel things.