I try. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I try again. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I try anyway. I get really hurt. I say I’ll never try again. Like a dumb ass I still try. I get my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I say I’ll never try again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
My heart hates me.
They say if you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done. Alright, FINE.
I let things flow. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I whore it out. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I ask questions up front. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I follow my heart. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again. I listen to my head. My heart choke holds my head. I get hurt. I say I’ll never try again.
They say you can’t do the same things and expect different results. Seems to me like the only thing I’m doing the same, is opening my heart again. Seems to me like the only thing I’m doing wrong, is trying. I think I’ll stop trying. One might say those are words of a cynical, jaded individual. I say they’re the words of someone whose heart is one bruise away from being broken.
I don’t care if I’m missing out, and I don’t care if I’ll never know. Logically speaking, I can’t miss what I never had and I’ll never know what I don’t know anyway. So maybe this time I’ll actually put as much effort into building my wall and reinforcing it, as I’ve put into relationships with people who don’t reciprocate.
I’m just so, so sorry it had to start with you.