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  • dearabi

Insecure.

I used to think you could spot an insecure man a mile away. Sometimes they were loud or arrogant. They bragged about what they've done or things they have. They're constantly flashing their money or drive a shiny, over the top exotic car. Other times insecure men were jealous. They looked through your phone and questioned everything you did. They were possessive and didn't let you do anything without them. Those were the insecure men I knew. Until one day I met one that looked like love. He was kind, made me laugh and put in effort. He was never boastful and he trusted me. But he was still insecure.


Let me proceed by saying that an insecure person isn't necessarily a bad person. We all have our insecurities and most of the time the root of them come from our childhood - a childhood we didn't have control over. However, the way we choose or not choose to deal with our insecurities is something we can control. Insecure people need constant reassurance. I made the mistake of being so stubborn that I refused to thank someone for doing something they should be doing anyway. I felt like I was handing out gold stars and cookies for someone going to the potty. When really, it would've been nothing for me to say a simple, "Thank-you" and it would've meant everything to him.


But when you're insecure, you lack self-confidence. Self being the operative word, so sometimes it doesn't even matter how much you reassure someone, what we say, or how nicely you say it. Especially if they can't say these same things to themselves. As a partner, we can be supportive and create an environment conducive to their healing, but ultimately, it's up to them. If you come across this type of man, do be supportive. Be empathetic. Be patient. Don't be their mother. Don't be their therapist. It is not your job to "fix" him, you couldn't even if you wanted to. And only an insecure man would make you feel bad for not wanting to.

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