i used to love him.

i used to love him.

more than the world itself. he was good at everything and could do no wrong. i loved his strength. his talent. his discipline. his mind. his body, and his soul. he was the prototype. everything that i wasn’t, and wished i could be.

but i used to love him too.

that head over heels-inconvenient-ridiculous-unreasonable-he was everything i didn’t know i loved-kind of love. volatile and emotional and extreme and bi-polar and REAL. they said i smiled differently when i opened the door and it was him on the other side. i loved that.

and i used to love him last. 

it was unconventional and unorthodox. unfair and unjust. it – was love. i loved his freedom. his lack of self-awareness. and his ability to not care that i cared. most of all, i loved the lessons he never knew he taught me.

but i loved them all so much, that i hated myself for it.