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Help Me, Help You.

When you’re single, it’s always nice to have single friends. Friends to wingwoman/wingman you, be your +1 at events, grab a beer with, or talk shit about people who aren’t single. Alas, there will come a time when they will fuck shit up and fall in love. “Now why you wanna go and do that love huh?” Depending on where you are in life, this can often times be bittersweet.

Naturally, you are ecstatic for them. You want your friends to be in happy relationships not only because you care for their well-being, but also because you want to know that love still exists. But I wouldn’t be lying if I said that there’s a selfish, little part of me that wishes I could hold onto their singledom forever. Because usually, a serious relationship means less wingwoman/wingmanning, no more +1, less beers, and them turning into the couple the two of you used to talk shit about.

A few of my friends who swore to be my forever +1’s recently started dating. Now when you’re single, and your friends aren’t, this makes you realize just how crazy and self sabotaging they can be. And since your friends are supposed to be a reflection of who you are, it makes you wonder if you’re that crazy when you’re in a relationship too. Not me though, I’m neurotic as fuck. I already know I’m loca. But since I’m currently on my way to hoarding cats, I can talk all the logical bullshit I want.

I have one friend that never seems to be satisfied. He questions every single thing about the woman he’s dating, and always looks for reasons to doubt her. I have another friend who is on a constant mission to find the perfect man, but whenever someone comes close she freaks out and doesn’t know wtf to do with them! In both cases, my friends spend so much time worrying about shit that ain’t even certain, that I’m certain it’s preventing them from being as happy as they can in their current relationships.

I totally get it, but I’m still gonna say it: YOU ARE BUGGING OUT. Go calm your tits, fap one out, and just be fucking happy that someone is interested enough to want to spend Sunday family parties together or fly across the country with you. It’s bad enough that I have to lose you to the dark side, but if I’m going to selflessly be happy for you, the least you could do is be happy for you too.

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