Sitting in a noisy Hong Kong style dessert bar over the weekend, me and a few of my favorite girlfriends exchanged recent date stories and current aggressions, while sharing green tea shaved ice with strawberry mochi and lychee jelly.
But when the mic was passed to me, I found myself … well, speechless. And I’m pretty sure hell froze over right then and there and a hamhock with wings flew past the window ‘cuz that shit rarely ever happens. I came to the realization that for the first time in forever I was SINGLE as a dollar bill. As in no relations, “situations,” or complications – I was completely unattached.
While I felt left out and even bummed that I had no cute text-messages to screen-shot and mass forward to my friends, or reasons to get an emergency bikini wax, I also felt relieved, liberated, and content. ‘Cuz although I no longer have a “go-to-guy,” to watch movies with, I also no longer have to wonder if my “go-to-guy” is watching a movie with someone else. Sure, I had no one to feel butterflies over, but I also had no one giving me anxiety attacks.
FUCK MY LIFE.
Did this mean the only way to NOT be stressed out is to NOT be in a relationship? I pondered the unfortunate thought, considering my last relationship held truth to the theory. But I refuse to believe it. Obviously, dating doesn’t have to be synonymous with headaches. And relationships aren’t necessarily stressful. Just the same, being single doesn’t always have to mean being bitter, lonely, or cynical either.
I’ve been having a blast just hanging out with my girls the past few weeks, so I know I can be happy without a boyfriend, or even a non-boyfriend (which is an entirely different post on it’s own). But in case you couldn’t tell by now, I’m a relationship kinda girl. To say having an amazing man in my life wouldn’t make me even happier would be a lie.
But for now? I’ll take what I can get, even if it means crashing the servers over at YouJizz and living vicariously through my friends for the next 55 years. So please, funny, talented, athletic, charming, driven, handsome men of the world who may or may not be men of integrity: Please stay the fuck away from me. ‘Cuz I know that no matter how much I say I’ll never fall again, I will. I also know that getting hurt is the risk you take for falling. And while you can’t predict the future, I am currently fine with the present.
I may not be excited about getting ready for a date, but I’m excited about LIFE. And right this very second, there’s so much more to it than just having a boyfriend.